A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.