What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.