A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
Where does a boat go when it is sick? The dock.
Q: How are rape and an airplane similar? A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
‘Is your baby a boy or a girl?’ ‘Of course. What else could it be?’
When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.
Q: What kind of kids do you get when a black and a Mexican marry. A: Kids too lazy to steal.
"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?" Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel." "Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?" "The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course. The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."