The best kids jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote: has 39.38 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids
Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
Q: In which room we cannot live? A: Mushroom.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Vote: has 38.25 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, ugly
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white? (A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
Vote: has 38.22 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
Vote: has 37.92 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, kids
When I was born, everyone was so happy. Even the doctor said, ‘I think it’s a baby.’
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, kids
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, kids, money


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