The best kids jokes

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp? (A bear-faced lyre!)
Vote: has 26.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding. When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'. The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'. The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'. The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'. He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight. The kid says 'What was that for, sir?' The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish. Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'
Vote: has 26.16 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, kids
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Vote: has 25.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Vote: has 25.82 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, time
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Vote: has 25.74 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
What do we do with crude oil? Teach it some manners!
Vote: has 25.74 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A man married an illiterate wife. After two years of marriage, they gave birth to a son called EFe. One day his mother asked him to read is multiplication table and he started immediately but when he reached 4multiply by 4 he mistakingly said 8 they mother angrily slapped him and told him the answer wasn't 8 but 44. The boy cried and reported what happened to the father, the father took him back and angrily told the wife to tell him the correct answer and the woman hurriedly say 4mutiply by 4 is it not 44. The man now calmed down and sai d u are Lucky that you got the answer if not I would have disgraced you here. I hope they are all brilliant.
Vote: has 25.67 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, kids, marriage, mean
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Vote: has 24.44 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Vote: has 24.15 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, kids, men, women