What kind of rocks do young geologists play with? Marbles.
Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator.
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!
What is black and white and red all over? (A panda bear with a sunburn!)
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
What color is a burp? It's burple!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the umbilical cords were cut. The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurrence. ‘I guess they had a lot of practice,’ said the doctor. ‘What do you mean, “practice”?’ asked a junior colleague. ‘They were just born!’ The doctor replied, ‘Well, it was standing womb only.’