Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
A: When did you turn up?
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
(They use bear conditioning!)
He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers.
When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing.
"Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?"
"I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street.
Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!"
(splash)
"WHERE?"
(splash)
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.