The best jokes about life

What is height of Secrecy? Offering blank visiting cards.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: life
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, life
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, health, life
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
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has 74.90 % from 352 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: god, life, religious
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