Where are you going for vacation this year?
I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why?
Because the sign says - no tres passing.
There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says "I'm probably too honest."
The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality."
The man replies, "I don't give a shttp://unijokes.com/admin/h*t what you think!"
Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life.
The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood."
So god turned him into a maxi pad.
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"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.
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T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons.
Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
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Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?"
Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."