The best jokes about life

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!
has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music, Thanksgiving
Chuck Norris like life... lucky her.
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: life
A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window. Prefer Wraps and females who think realistically pick Wholemeal.”
has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, weather, wife
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
has 39.21 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, life
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