The best jokes about life

A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
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has 39.81 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
Chuck Norris like life... lucky her.
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: god, life
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: life
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window. Prefer Wraps and females who think realistically pick Wholemeal.”
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, weather, wife
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, life
God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
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has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, life
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
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