The best jokes about life

You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
Vote: has 43.39 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, family, life
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
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Are you free on Sunday? The director asks his secretary. Yes, sir. Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
Vote: has 40.09 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life, school, work