The best jokes about life

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
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has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, celebrity, kids, life
I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: fat, life
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life, science, time
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: bar, life, marriage, time, wife
"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, life
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, political
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life
You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life
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