Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual.
She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
Chuck can use "save" in real life.
But he doesn't need it.
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Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long.
Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight.
A black eye, and a swollen lip.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard by choice, even the jaws of life can't cut it.
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Are you free on Sunday?
The director asks his secretary.
Yes, sir.
Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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