Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
I met a sista once who told me she could tell how good a brotha is in bed simply by the way he opens the door to his apartment.
So, I asked her how.
She said if that brotha fumbles with the keys, that means he doesn't know what he's doing.
If he opens the door too quick, means he's too fast and he's a total waste of time.
But if that brotha opens the door with a smooth, controlled movement, that means he's real good in bed.
Then she asked me how I open the door to my apartment.
I told her, "Honey, I lick the lock first."
Three guys talk in a bar.
Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them.
The third guy remains quiet.
Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you?
Do you rule your roost?"
The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
"What happened then?" they ask.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs.
Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’
‘No,’ replies his wife.
‘Have you?’
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife
...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !
HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.
He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.
His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’
Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard.
I'm talking day-in and day-out just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it's all over, he showers and goes to his job.