The best marriage jokes

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: NO! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling!
Vote: has 34.20 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage, relationship
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Vote: has 34.13 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage
He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
Vote: has 34.09 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
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More jokes about: marriage
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
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More jokes about: marriage
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
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More jokes about: marriage