Joke #806

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska. The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her. "I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And with that, his d**k sprang to full erection. "D**k, at EASE!" And his d**k deflated again. "That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?" The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And his penis sprang up. "D**k, at EASE!" Nothing. "D**k, at EASE!" Still nothing. "For the last time, D**k at EASE!" Frustratingly enough, nothing happened. Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom. Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously masturbating. "What are you doing?" "I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"

The city of Dallas wanted to name a major street Chuck Norris Boulevard but decided against it because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

The Animal Crackers that Chuck Norris eats are made from real animals.

"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"

Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.