Joke #806

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
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When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. "Right, you Jimmy," he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate!" "But..." stammers the driver. "Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!" So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn"t take him long. "Right!" snarls the Highlander. "Du it agin, now!" So the driver does it again. "Right laddie, du it agin!" demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. "Du it again!" says the Highlander. "I can"t do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!" whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, "All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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