I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
A family went to a nudist camp for their vacation. The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."
"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."
Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."
"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."
"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."
"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."
How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.