What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.