I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.