A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.