Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.