What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship?
A. A second date.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.