I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.