How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.