Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big." He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big." Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right." But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.