Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him.
I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.