What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.