What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big." He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big." Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right." But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.