Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island. The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts. The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!" He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated. Everybody looks at him cross. Then they kick him off the island.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big." He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big." Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right." But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.