The best jokes about men

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
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How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
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Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
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What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."
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A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
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More jokes about: marriage, men, women