How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.