What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."