What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women? A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.