The best military jokes

Which month do soldiers hate most? March!
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has 63.53 % from 1171 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What is Iraq's national bird ? A: Duck.
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: military
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: military
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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has 62.36 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, ethnic, military, war
The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose. The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet. He walked away with a check $960,000. When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it." The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!" The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: military, money, old people, political
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards? A: The captain was sitting on the deck.
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has 60.08 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: game, military, navy
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked. "This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
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has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: military
In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
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