The best military jokes

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"
Vote: has 57.66 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Vote: has 57.62 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, military, sex, wife
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
Vote: has 57.17 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dad, military
A blonde decides to join the military thinking she can meet a few guys. What is wrong with this joke? 1. This isn't a joke 2. The blonde is thinking
Vote: has 55.25 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, military
An Indian soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Indian army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in a Pakistani tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the Border. As I saw a Pakistani tank. I put my white flag up, the Pakistani tank put his white flag up. I said to the Pakistani soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
Vote: has 55.19 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, military, time
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Vote: has 55.19 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, death, military, money, navy
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Vote: has 54.77 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
Vote: has 54.66 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose. The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet. He walked away with a check $960,000. When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it." The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!" The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, money, old people, political
Human blood type is usualy 0+, A+ or AB... Chuck Norris blood tipe is AK-47
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military