What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
Chuck Norris won one million dollars gambling playing Solitaire.
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Misers are lousy to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"