Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check. "That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!" The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head. After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?" The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
What’s the quickest way to double your money? Fold it in half!
Being poor has its advantages. For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
I am currently experiencing an out-of-money experience.