Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes? So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
I was taken short in the back of a taxi. Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note. Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
Did you hear about the gypsy who won the Lottery? He got paid in travellers’ cheques.
Think nobody knows you’re alive? Try missing a payment.
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
The best things in life are free, plus tax.
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.