He’s in debt up to his eyes.
The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity", said the shopkeeper.
"No, I'll buy the chocolate.
YOU give the money to charity!"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
I'm not paying," said the duck.
"I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."
Where do bees keep their money?
In a honey box.
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
Jesus saves.
But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?