Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.
Did you hear about the gypsy who won the Lottery? He got paid in travellers’ cheques.
If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).
Born free. Taxed to death. A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present. He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.