Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they take away your credit card.
The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.
Yo mama is so stupid that when he got a new bicycle he gave it to the charity funds.
I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money!
Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet? You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
He was so poor all he had to wear as a boy were hand-me-downs. The real shame was that he had five older sisters.