Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire?
Sure. Here you are.
Thanks - but half the pages are missing.
What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No!
Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
‘I used to live in a sub-basement.
The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks.
When the market crashed, he was wiped out.
He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
Born free.
Taxed to death.
A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present.
He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.