Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga?
A: Poke her face.
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit.
She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off.
So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick.
All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day.
He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights.
All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic.
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.
Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo Eyes.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio.
They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.
The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''
So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.
The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis.
The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!