New jokes

Young kids use a dating app on their phones. Older kids use a dating website on their computers. Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates. Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events. Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
Vote:
has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, death, morbid, relationship
In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
Vote:
has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, ethnic, school
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today." Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke." Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order." Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's." Employee: "Sir its McDonald's." Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Vote:
has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry? A: It went back four seconds.
Vote:
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: food, time
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan. THE ACTIONS Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor head. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor: THE SECOND MESSAGE Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey? Regards, Alan.
Vote:
has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, technology, time, wife
Knock-knock. Who is there? Stopwatch. Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!
Vote:
has 29.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, Valentines day, work
My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers. On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum... Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"... Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, love, mean
A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal". The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
Vote:
has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, dentist, medical, women
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind. Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it. I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
Vote:
has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, mean, morbid, relationship
Knock knock! Who's there? Ice cream! Ice cream who? Ice cream land on you!
Vote:
has 25.12 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, knock-knock

What about the funniest jokes?
Have fun with our best jokes, rated by visitors.

<<<8910
More jokes →
Page 8 of 10.