Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist? A: To get a root canal.
Do you like maths? If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?" "I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children." "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went. To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?" "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love." "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went. He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also." "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in." "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!