The best school jokes

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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has 56.17 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, phone, school, teacher
Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory? Student: I don’t know. Why? Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: school
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: business, money, school
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too. Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. A little girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Avalanche fan," she retorts. "Then," asks her teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan. "Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I'm a Wings fan too," she responds. The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" "Oh," says the little girl. "Well, then I'd be an Avalanche fan."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dad, school, sport, stupid, teacher
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
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has 55.39 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: school
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: school
Chuck Norris got into Cambridge... without any qualifications.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, school
Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?" Student: " Ten Q"Teacher: "You're Welcome."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: school
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? "Is it worth any bonus marks?"
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: school
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way. A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom. So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats. The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?" Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: kids, school, teacher
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