Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah’s ark.
On the way home, Willy asked, “Do you think Noah did much fishing?”
“How could he?” said Billy.
“He only had two worms”.
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping
student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”
The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don’t know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!
Yo momma so fat that when she went to her prom she literally raised the roof.
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Ramu: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Ramu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".
A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
Billy was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way.
A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it."
Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom.
So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats.
The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?"
Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house?
A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
Vote:
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"