Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
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Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
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Chuck Norris beat a black hole in a tug of war.
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Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs.
This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
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Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.
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Thomas Edson made a shadow on a paper that Chuck Norris was reading, then Thomas Edson decided to create the electric light.
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"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"