Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
A: Chuck Norris is clapping.
"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.
E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.
Yo momma is so old, they use strands of her hair to carbon date dinosaur fossils.
Yo momma so fat, when shes falling out the sky, people thought it was meteor shower.
Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.
Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.