Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Did you hear about the homosexual electron? Went around blowing fuses.
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
Chuck Norris beat a black hole in a tug of war.
Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.