Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever.
One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever."
Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said;
"So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SEX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SEX in school today! What a kid!"
Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SEX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SEX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my butt's still sore from yesterday!"
Vote:
They are going to play golf at the business meeting.
The guy flies out there a day early.
He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha.
He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for.
He takes her in back and starts doing his thing.
The girl starts going crazy.
She starts yelling, "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"
He thinks, "This girl is loving this."
Next day in the golf course he hits a hole in one.
He doesn't know any Japanese so he yells, "Machigatta ana!"
The Japanese guys ask him, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.
Vote:
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote:
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
Sex isn’t the answer.
Sex is the question.
Yes is the answer.
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.