The best sex jokes

A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 50.97 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
It’s the morning after the honeymoon. The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’ The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
Vote: has 50.96 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
Vote: has 50.76 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, black humor, sex
A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, sex, wife
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
Vote: has 50.69 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, food, men, sex
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Vote: has 50.40 % from 121 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
Vote: has 50.29 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
Vote: has 50.22 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex