Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
What do you call men who use the pull out method?
Fathers.
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Q: Ever had sex while camping?
A: It's fucking intents.
Hey, you wanna do a 68?
You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.