Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
What do you call men who use the pull out method? Fathers.
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar. He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey. How about you and me getting it on? I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’ The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’
Q: Why don't Canadians have group sex? A: Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.