The best sex jokes

A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, sex
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
Vote: has 52.91 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Vote: has 52.83 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
It’s the morning after the honeymoon. The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’ The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
Vote: has 52.77 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Vote: has 52.63 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Vote: has 52.26 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
Vote: has 52.21 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex