I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x.
The code is: "Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Maths is like s*x...
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business.
One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."
The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.