The best sex jokes

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
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has 58.09 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
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has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing? I’m exhausted because of sex. That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
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has 57.91 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: sex
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
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has 57.83 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: sex
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, elephant, sex
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
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has 57.65 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
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has 57.64 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: sex
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
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has 57.64 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
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has 57.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Yo mama
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