Do you like maths?
If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’.
I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
Vote:
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy.
All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand.
She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.
"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"
"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"
Vote:
An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home.
They undressed and were about to screw, The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "thats good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.