Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
Randy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
My doctor examined my testicles for me and found two small lumps. Luckily it turned out they were my testicles.
‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’ Les Dawson
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.