‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Randy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun.
Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?"
The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry.
When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man.
you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?"
"well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray.
If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too"
The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun.
The hippie pops out and says
"I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!"
The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral"
So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
My doctor examined my testicles for me and found two small lumps.
Luckily it turned out they were my testicles.
Q: How do you know a gay guy has farted?
A: He needs to change his pants afterward.
Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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