"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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What does NBA stand for Niggas Boucing Around.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep!
So do you abuse me in your sleep!
Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!
Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!
Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!
Yo' Mama is like a heavyweight boxer: a few licks, a few blows, and she's back to her corner.
Oh, you play racquetball?
You must be extremely athletic.