There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
What can you serve that you cannot eat?
A tennis ball.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals.
At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him.
"Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat!
What's up with that I wonder!"
The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife.
We went to the games together."
"Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously.
"She passed away," said the gentleman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man.
Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
I think that it is better to give that to get.
You have a very generous thinking.
Are you a humanitarian?
No, I’m a boxer.
Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas.
One of the men on that trip won $100,000.
He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a.m.
He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.
The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.
He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.
On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.
Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.
"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor.
The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you.
He said he'd rather die first."