Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat! What's up with that I wonder!" The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife. We went to the games together." "Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously. "She passed away," said the gentleman. "Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man. Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
There was a competition of arm wrestling between Chuck Norris and Superman. And guess what, the loser had to wear his undies over his pants!
Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.