What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!