The best Thanksgiving jokes

Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm. They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially. The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. "One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning. Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers. "That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work. At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression. "You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
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has 61.91 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: couple, disgusting, fart, Thanksgiving, time
Q: What's brown and white and flies all over? A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: bird, Thanksgiving
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, death, kids, Thanksgiving
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.
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has 56.88 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, terrorist, Thanksgiving
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, fat, men, Santa, Thanksgiving
Q: What is a ghosts favorite snack? A: Boo berries
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: food, Thanksgiving
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, Thanksgiving
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, football, Thanksgiving
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, Thanksgiving
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