The best time jokes

Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: black humor, new year, time
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, time, Yo mama
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, time, Yo mama
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time, war
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: insulting, time, Yo mama
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time
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