A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
Potpourri.
What’s the difference between goats and women??
Goats are always horney.
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ?
A fifty pound note !
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
Vote:
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman?
"Immediately start downloading it."
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.