Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
Potpourri.
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer: “Lazy.”
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
My sister was with two men in one night.
She could hardly walk after that.
Can you imagine?
Two dinners!