A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear.
They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Chuck Norris made an armless man tap out.
Vote:
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?
A: Cheez Whuz.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Yo momma so fat it's not even funny anymore.
Yo mama is so fat Jesus can't hold her holy spirit.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"