How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.
Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal.
I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
If it works, everyone buys me drinks."
The crowd agrees.
The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth.
Gator closes mouth.
After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head.
The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.
It's a woman.
"I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Chuck Norris designed and created two series of cars.
These are now known as Autobots and Decepticons.
Vote:
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Yo momma so fat it's not even funny anymore.