I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Chuck Norris designed and created two series of cars.
These are now known as Autobots and Decepticons.
Vote:
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Vote:
Yo Momma so fat she wears a vcr as a beeper.
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
Vote:
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it.
Why?
Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex.
No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.